Twilight: If Bella Had Any Brains
by FictionGirlie
Summary: Young Della Pigeon has moved to Forks after her mother's death. There, she meets Edwin Sullen. Della is a bit put off by him stalking her, and professing his love for her in their first conversation. And why the hell does he think he's a vampire?
1. Chapter 1

My name is Della Pigeon. My mother died in a car accident, and I'm going to Forks, Washington, to live with my dad. There is a thick blanket of rain covering the town constantly, but my dad, Farley, promises me a few days of sun each year. A few days is good enough. I board a plane, and I entertain myself by reviewing my memories. My mother's laugh. Her sometimes delicious, sometimes inedible meals. Her holding me when I cried. Her telling me stories and watching my volleyball games, having picnics with me in spring and still laughing when I told the same joke over and over. By the time the plane lands, I'm holding back tears. I wipe them away. Dad can't see me cry. He's waiting for me in the terminal, his arms spread open for a hug. I hug him, and know he is the only one I have left to love. We have fish for dinner, and reminisce about Mom. He says to me, "Dells, just know I'm here for you. I always will be." "Thanks Dad. I could use someone here for me." he kisses me on the forehead. "Now go to bed. School tomorrow." I go to bed thinking of my mother. When I wake up, I see rain. Of course, I expected it. My father bought me a nice truck. I know I should have felt bad about him spending that much money on me, especially when he can just drive me, but I cast aside the thought and said, _Who_ cares? I made two friends, Bess, a tiny girl with curly black hair, and Ike, who is chubby and blonde. Bess tells me, "We're the lowest of the low, in popularity terms. Well, except for the Sullens." The Sullens were siblings. The two girls, Posey and Melinda Alice, were twins, with the same crooked teeth, piggy noses, and frizzy brown hair. Casper Sullen was short and fat with little piggy eyes. His brother Kermit was tall and lanky, with a hooked nose and big ears. Edwin, the youngest, was the most average looking, with flat brown eyes and a brown bowl cut. Edwin eyed me, looking interested. Besides Ike, Bess, and (sort of) Edwin, nobody else paid attention to me. When I drove home, I noticed a red car following me. I got out of the car halfway to my house on an abandoned road. The red car pulled over. I looked inside and saw Edwin Sullen. "Hey Della." His voice was nasally and sort of sickly unpleasant. "Why are you following me?" "I want to tell you something. I'm a vampire, Della." I stared in shock. "And I love you." I stared at him. '"ARE YOU INSANE? This is the first time we've ever talked! And there's no such thing as vampires! Get some meds you creep!" I drove away. Creepo Sullen did not follow. I went through the rest of the day normally, not mentioning Creepo, as I was henceforth calling him, to Dad. That night, I awoke to find Edwin IN MY ROOM! I fumbled for my cell phone, dialing 911. "Hello?" "Someone's in my house!" "OK, remain calm. We're sending police to your residence immediately." The operator hung up. I threw the book on my bedside table at him and screamed for my dad. "DAD!" He came running in, saw Edwin and said to me, "DELLA! CALL THE POLICE!" We then heard sirens outside. Edwin was escorted out of the house and sent to court on charges of breaking and entering. He said his motive was "love." He was found guilty, and was put in a juvenile detention center. Last I heard, he was getting beat up for wearing body glitter


	2. New Moon

It's my 18th birthday, and Edwin Sullen is being released from prison. I had a decent party with my dad, then I went to the movies with Ike and Bess. Who should be waiting for me outside the theater? Stalker Boy. "Happy Birthday Della." he says. His brother Casper is with him, and eyes me with greedy black eyes. He's panting. "Shouldn't you be in prison? You know, for breaking into my room and watching me sleep?" "You misunderstood that, my love. I was only making sure you were safe." "The only thing I need to 'be safe' from is you!" Casper lunges at me and I run from Stalker Boy and his crazy brother. The next day he walks up to me and said, "Bella, I don't love you anymore. This is the last time you'll ever see me." I stood for a second then screamed, "YEEEESSSSS! Goodbye Creepo!" "But... Aren't you going to beg me not to go?" I ran away. I re-met a family friend, Jason White, and he showed me how to cliff-dive. A few months later, Edwin's sister, Melinda Alice, came to my house and said Edwin was in some Italian prison for flashing his glittery chest. She wanted to borrow bail money. I shooed her away. Jason asked me out, ad we're going on a date on Friday. Overall, it was great.

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Sorry this is short.


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